The Truth.....

While the overall response to my story has been positive and encouraging, I won't lie and tell you I have not lost friendships or had negative responses.  Most of the negative has occurred within the past two days.  You have friends who no longer talk to you, you have people who when you share your story with them for the first time are not empathetic or show understanding, and you have friends who start caring a whole lot out of  nowhere after they hear your story.   I had a friend who I grew up with call me after she read my blog.  It was very clear that she struggled with issues too and was in danger.  I tried to help her many times, but she was combative and mean.  She turned my story against me to make herself seem ok, and that was the last time I heard from her.  I hope she is ok, but I don't really know if she is.   I knew all of this was a possibility when I shared my story, so I shouldn't be surprised.  I guess I was just raised to be kind, compassionate and accepting and I expect others to be as well.  Sean always tells me that my expectations of others are too high and that is why I get disappointed.  Maybe he is right.   I didn't create this blog or share my story for sympathy.  Most of you have not told me you are sorry, and I thank you for that.  There is no reason to be sorry.  But there are still those people that will reach out and say "Bless your heart, I am so sorry." Ya'll, I am not dying or close to dying!  I am living a great life, so stop feeling sorry for me because I don't feel sorry for myself!   I fully understand that people don't know what to say in a situation like this, but this illness has taught me to appreciate things more, to love harder, and to accept everyone's differences.  I have learned more about myself in the past 9 years than I did all of the years before I was diagnosed.  I never realized how strong I was until I had to fight for my health!   I have been very transparent and shared a large part of my life in the past 6 days.  Many of you have reached out to me and told me I am helping you personally or I am helping you learn to help a loved one.  Some have reached out to say I am praying for you or tell me how brave I am.  After a second negative reaction in the same day last night, I told Sean I was done with my blog.  I told him I was done sharing my life with people because the negative didn't feel too good.  I thought for a long time last night about whether I should continue my blog.  It has been very therapeutic to me to express my feelings.  I fully understand I am helping others, and I fully understand that some who read this do not have my best intentions at heart.  If I don't continue, then the negative responses will stop, and maybe I will get some lost friendships back.  But if I keep writing, I will get friend requests from strangers who read my blog and are still carrying their secret. I got two of those yesterday.  I let the negative get me down last night and I almost deleted my blog.   I talk to my mom and mother in law in the mornings on the way to work everyday.  I talked to them about the negative and they both said just keep writing and keep sharing, and those people who have negative responses will soon  have soft hearts and understanding.  It hasn't been easy sharing my story.  My daughter has asked me a couple of times why people are hugging me saying how proud they are of me.  I told her one day she will understand, and she will.   So, I will keep writing and hoping that the ones who are no longer talking to me will warm up to me, and those who don't have my best intentions at heart will reach out and learn more about me. 


Thanks for sharing my journey with me! 


Much Love,
Susan