A View Through A Different Window

2017 has been the hardest year for me. Lots of stress, tragedy, change and uncertainty. All things that people with mental illness struggle with and it makes life extra hard for us.  I decided to share my story over a month ago to be transparent and help others but I had no idea how much you would help me!  So many people reach out to me to say they are praying for me. I have the best small group who covers me in prayer. My prayer has always been for there to be a purpose to my suffering because I thought I would always suffer. God told me differently today. I found a therapist who is certified in a specialized therapy so I went to see her today. She believes that she can re program the parts of my brain that cause suffering because of stress, change and sadness and make them work so I can cope healthy with these things and no longer suffer! I asked her to repeat the last part and she said the no longer suffering part and I said yes!!!  I know what it feels like to receiv...

Happy Saturday! I'm still here...... I told the small group that I lead that I was done blogging because the negative was too hurtful. I talked to a friend about that and she told me all that was is the devil trying to stop me from spreading God's love. I never thought that by sharing my story that I was sharing God's love but it's a honor to think that I am. Sean and I went to Birmingham yesterday to see a specialist but we left frustrated and confused. It wasn't all bad because I had a heart to heart with my doctor in Auburn about my expectations and desires for a long term treatment plan. I feel as good as I have in a while with the direction I'm headed and I'm hopeful for the new things to come. Our village continues to be strong and helps at every turn. People have told me how brave and courageous I am. I am not brave because I am strong and have it all together. I am brave because I am weak and need help to make it through life. I've never been a...

I have enjoyed writing on my blog, and being transparent and giving you a glimpse into my life. So many of you have taken the time to learn more and I will always appreciate that! While I will keep writing,  I don't want the only difference I make is to tell you about my struggles. I want to help others get the help they need so one day none of us struggle. I want to help fix the problem that is mental illness. I've prayed for ways to make more of a difference, and a door was open for me today. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so I hope to plan and organize a race in Auburn to raise money and awareness for mental illness. A very dear friend works for a mental health facility in the area and told me her facility would gladly accept the money that is raised to go towards mental health treatment. I've reached out to the local running association to seek help and guidance. I fully know how big of a task this is but I am also fully aware of the difference everyone who parti...

I have lived with mental illness for 9 1/2 years.  I spent the first few years very negative and very angry.  I didn't think things would ever get any better, and to be honest I questioned why I was the one to struggle with this.  Why me?   I soon realized that my negative attitude was making my illness worse.  Once again, I asked Why me? I was quickly told why not you?  Mental illness effects 1 in 6 people, and it does not stereotype.  It effects people of all backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, races, shapes, sizes and appearances.  It effects more people than not, so why not me?   As soon as I accepted my illness and the support that was given to me is when I started to realize that this could turn into something positive.  The way I handle my illness is just like the way you handle life.  So many times throughout life, people are thrown a curve ball to their well thought out plans, a door is closed that you thought wo...

While the overall response to my story has been positive and encouraging, I won't lie and tell you I have not lost friendships or had negative responses.  Most of the negative has occurred within the past two days.  You have friends who no longer talk to you, you have people who when you share your story with them for the first time are not empathetic or show understanding, and you have friends who start caring a whole lot out of  nowhere after they hear your story.   I had a friend who I grew up with call me after she read my blog.  It was very clear that she struggled with issues too and was in danger.  I tried to help her many times, but she was combative and mean.  She turned my story against me to make herself seem ok, and that was the last time I heard from her.  I hope she is ok, but I don't really know if she is.   I knew all of this was a possibility when I shared my story, so I shouldn't be surprised.  I guess I ...

I have had the chance to reconnect with some old friends and make some new friends since I shared my story.  Some have told me about their struggles, some just say thank you and others want to know how I live with a mental illness every day.  It is really an easy decision- I don't do it by myself,  or pretend I can do it by myself.  It takes the support of my entire family and prayer and surrender to God to live life with this illness.  My family has supported me from the day I was diagnosed.  If I need anything, they never hesitate to step up.  However, I am fully know that I would not be where I am today with my marriage, my children, my job and my relationships without my strong faith in God.  I am a firm believer that God has a plan for everyone, and he goes before us and knows our next steps.   God knew when I was born that I was going to be diagnosed with a mental illness when I was 30 years old and only 7 months into my marriage...